About Me

I am a crazy woman, funny and carefree but type A and anal all at the same time. I have two daughters and a Father who's a King...what more do I need?! My goal on this planet is to help His bride: literally (I plan weddings for a living!) and spiritually (I occasionally offer words of wisdom to loved ones...) Bless us all on this journey!

Jesus and His Girl

Jesus and His Girl

Monday, August 25, 2008

Confrontation and Riding Offense

Or riding "a fence," whichever you prefer because both apply here. Between Danny Silk's Culture of Honor stuff we've been studying at church this last year, and learning to navigate the waters of really, really being hurt and how do I properly as a Christian deal with that, here's what I've decided. It's easier for me to be offended, and tell everyone in the world about who has hurt me... but never go to that person kindly and in love to tell them they've hurt me and we need to fix it. That's unfair in several unhealthy ways: unfair to the person who hurt me because they're now being gossiped about. Unfair to me because the person who hurt me won't stop hurting me if I never tell them they've hurt me. Unfair to the listeners of the "woe is me story" because there's no resolution so they're now in the middle of a story with no end.

I bring all this up because I had an instance this weekend where I was really hurt and offended by someone I love and who loves me. I had the choice between going to my mom and sister and friends first to say "Guess what so and so did to me", or going to that person as the source of the pain and saying "Hey you hurt me and I know you didn't mean to but it hurt anyway so can we please fix it." Well, I took the second option and BOY DID THAT PHONECALL SUCK. But you know what? Having come from a family of people with either tempers or passive-agressive silent treatments, I was so RELIEVED when the phonecall was over to have dealt with it. Now instead of things being weird with this cousin everything's fine, and Satan can't hold that spirit of offense over me anymore.

Small victory but big rewards!


Elizabeth F. said...

Good for you! Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. I think the big difference is if you are bringing the offense to the attention of another believer or a non-believer. The call is always going to suck while you make it, but hopefully in the end things turn out better and not worse.

And now...you have one curious girlfriend! LOL!

Tammy said...

and the more you make that choice the easier it will become...lol. I speak from experience. As a matter of fact, I often ask.... Why does God choose me to be a confronter? A few people have told me.....because you're good at it. Not sure if that is a compliment or not! Confrontation really is uncomfortable and I don't think anyone likes it, but it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY....it's one of the most useful tools in growth for both the confronter and the confrontee (is that a word?). It is actually more uncomfortable for the one being confronted (i've been on both sides).

I think the most important thing is the way in which we confront one another. It has to be done in love which I am sure is what you did.

So one step forward for you Jen...march on!!

Jenny W said...

i absolutely did it in love; in fact i told the person "it's not fair to you if i walk around mad or hurt and you don't even know about it, because then you never have the opportunity to fix it." he actually thanked me, apologized, asked for suggestions on how not to have it happen again, gave me permission to bring it up if it does happen again, etc. so it went as well as it could go, and as hard as it was i've just decided i'm worth it. i'm worth the effort it takes to make sure people who hurt me stop.

Tammy said...

AMEN!!! YES you are worth it! It took me a long time to realize that people would treat me how I allowed them to treat me and if I wanted respect I had to command (not demand) respect. Now...I settle for nothing less.

And kudos to your cuz for receiving well.